Top 10 suckiest sequels

I recently watched Hooligans 2 (or Green Street 2 or whatever they’ve called it), and although it’s not the worst movie in the world, it inspired me to do a feature on the worst sequels of all time.  So the criteria is that the original has to be good, popular and successful but the sequel a pile of turd.I’m sure there are going to be some controversial omissions from the list (we’re not putting Episode 1 in there, it wasn’t as bad as the ones below) but we feel that these ones sucked more than all the hundreds or thousands of others.

 

 

10. The Next Karate Kid

During a commemoration for japanese soldiers fighting in the US Army during World War II Mr. Miyagi meets the widow of his commanding officer. He gets to know her granddaugther Julie, an angry teenager. She is full of pain about the death of her parents during an accident and has lots of problems with her grandmother and her fellow pupils.

So Mr. Miyagi decides to teach her Karate to bring her back on the right way. What a load of balls!  

I have to admit that this movie isn’t as terrible as all the other turds on this list but my main problem with it is that it desecrated the fond childhood memories I’ve got for all the other Karate Kid movies.  Even 3 wasn’t that bad really. 

 

 

9. Home Alone 4

It was the same as Rocky and Jaws, a franchise starts of well but then flounders after a few goes.  The Home Alones featuring Macaulay Culkin were good, then as soon as he left it all went downhill fast.  Although at least for the third outing they tried something slightly different with a different kid.  The absolutely worst thing about Home Alone 4 is that they’re meant to be the same characters from the 1st movie.  Here’s the plot; Kevin McCallister’s parents have split up. Now living with his mom, he decides to spend Christmas with his dad at the mansion of his father’s rich girlfriend, Natalie. Meanwhile robber Marv Merchants, one of the villains from the first two movies, partners up with a new criminal named Vera to hit Natalie’s mansion.

It just doesn’t make any kind of sense!  Kevin is the same age but his brother Buzz is younger than he used to be, no one seems to be able to act in the movie and instead of funny slapstick routines, the director seems to think the humor can be derived from funny sounding music at the appropriate moments.  It is a huge piece of donkey dung which no one should ever have to watch.

Apparently Daniel Stern, who played Marv in the first two films, was approached to reprise his role in this one. Stern quickly declined, calling it “an insult, total garbage.”  At least he had some sense.

8. National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation 2: Cousin Eddie’s Island Adventure

In my family home, the first National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation is a household treasure.  Everyone loves it and we watch it every year (with a bucket of KFC).  This sequel (technically a sequel to a sequel), is a complete abomination against everything that Christmas is about! If you can sit through it you will find a comedy completely devoid of any funny moments and soul.  It’s so bad, they couldn’t even get Chevy Chase back for it, and what’s he doing with his career at the moment?!?

Cousin Eddie and his clan are awarded a tropical vacation for the holidays, but their trip doesn’t go quite as planned. With the whole family stranded on an island in the South Pacific, they’re in for a Christmas like none before. If you value Christmas at all DON”T SEE THIS!

It’s such a travesty that the internet seems to want to forget about it, I can’t find a trailer for this damn movie anywhere.

 

7. Lost Boys 2: The Tribe

This is quite a recent one.  I was actually quite excited when I heard that they were making this as I was a massive fan of the first movie.  I guess I got a feeling like any fan gets at the news of a sequel, concern that they might cock it up and soil the genius of the original one but also some excitement in the hope that it could be good and breath some new life into the characters and story.  Well fans of The Lost Boys got f**cked.  

Corey Feldman reprises his role as Edgar Frog and Corey Haim even puts in an appearance post credits but that’s purely a 20 second cameo.  This movie never once captures the fun or sentiment of the original, it actually looks like they thought about doing a vampire film with some annoying teenagers but then some genius thought they could throw in Feldman and cash in on the popularity of the first.  I don’t blame Corey though, we all know he needed the work.

Never grow old. Never die. Never know fear again. Never pay money to see this film!

UPDATE - Bad news, they’ve just announced a third one!!! http://www.cinematical.com/2009/03/18/warner-premiere-announces-lost-boys-3/ 

 

6. Rocky 5

The first Rocky was excellent, the second wasn’t as good but still enjoyable, the third was a bit better than the second but not as good as the first and the fourth was ok but not as good as any of the ones before. So when 5 came along everyone expected it to be another decent entry in a fairly solid franchise, boy were we all wrong.

Like Rocky’s career, the franchise had just fizzled out and had lost it’s spark.  Rocky leaves boxing behind to coach Tommy ‘the machine’ Gunn and ignores his son’s growing need for attention.  The only problem is that you just don’t care.

Even Sly felt that he had let the fans down and had always wished the franchise ended better, hence his comeback with Rocky Balboa.  The (hopefully) final edition in the franchise does manage to bring back the credibility to Rocky but Rocky V is always going to be the cloud of shit hanging over it’s head.

5. Jaws: The Revenge (Jaws 4)

The first Jaws scared me to death, I watched it as a child and ever since I’ve never felt happy about being in the see.  It scared me but at the same time I loved it and even though I was really young I could see and comprehend what a great film it was.  Then I saw the second one and although it didn’t change my enjoyment of the first, I knew in my heart it was no way near as good, although I still did shit my pants a little bit.

When I saw the third movie, I thought that there was no way they could get any worse than that and surely any addition to the franchise would be an improvement, then they made Jaws 4.  A film so laughably bad that even one of the stars of the movie, Michael Caine, thought it was bad and he’s been in some real stinkers. When he was asked about this movie in an interview, he answered, “I have never seen it, but by all accounts it is terrible. However, I have seen the house that it built, and it is terrific.”

The late comedian Richard Jeni shared our opinion but more than blame the film makers for being so stupid he says that we’re more stupid for watching it.

4. Dumb & Dumberer

In 1994 the world was introduced to the comedy of the Farrelly Brothers who from the moment the original Dumb and Dumber came out ruled the roost over gross-out comedies, at least for a while.  Dumb and Dumber was such a funny and original movie, it also cemented Jim Carrey’s funny man status after the success of Ace Ventura and the Mask.

We al had fond memories of Dumb and Dumber for many years, then in 2003 some idiot thought to do a prequel to the movie:

It’s the 1980s, and it’s the moment that Lloyd Christmas and Harry Dunne meet. The two individuals are seen by many as ’special’, and become best friends as soon as they meet. Principal Collins and his lover, the lunch lady Ms. Heller, want to make as much money out of scams, and their next idea is to create a special needs class. Ms. Heller is the teacher, and they have assigned Harry and Lloyd to round the special students up. School News Reporter Jessica is suspicious though, and desperately tries to find out the truth, even if it means gaining Harry and Lloyd’s help.

Dumb and Dumberer is such a pile dog excrement.  Nothing can prepare you for how bad and unfunny the film is.  It completely lacks any of the character, sentiment or humor from the original.  The movie deservedly flopped when it came out.  My favorite criticism of it was by Reelviews who said that it is  ”the most unbearable sequel of all time” and “Usually, Hollywood waits until August to empty its cinematic septic tank into multiplexes. This year, the flood has started early. And no movie could be more aptly compared to raw sewage than this film.”

 

3. Speed 2: Cruise Control

Hollywood Exec 1 “Ok, so Speed made us a shit load of money, lets do the exact same thing again but maybe on a different mode of transport.”

Hollywood Exec 2 “I like you’re thinking, how about a car, or a motorbike? No wait how about a train?”

Hollywood Exec 1 “No, didn’t they do that in Under Siege 2?  I loved Under Siege, that’s it!  Lets do Speed but on a boat.”

Hollywood Exec 2 “I prefer the train idea, a boat is actually quite slow really, it’s rubbish.”

Hollywood Exec 1 “Shut your punk arse filthy mouth!  Get me a big fucking boat, Sandra Bullock, Jan De Bont and we need one more character from the original to give it some clout.  Keanu is too damn expensive, lets get the random black guy back who gets his car smashed up in the first one.”

Hollywood Exec 2 “Kerrrching!”

 

2. Be Cool

Get Shorty was a great little movie that was only really a modest success but won over a lot of people when it was released on VHS/DVD.  It was cool and quirky, and like Pulp Fiction it made John Travolta look good.  Be Cool on the other hand was a smug bit of dross that tried to be too clever for its own good. 

For example, it is full of what wikipedia terms ’self-ironys’.  At the beginning of the movie, Chili sees the commercial of Get Lost which is the sequel to Get Leo he produced in the first movie, and shows the unwillingness to produce a sequel despite the fact he is a character being played as in this sequel. In fact, the first line of Be Cool was by Chili, as he says in an annoyed tone “Sequels…”.  Well we’re all meant to laugh because that’s hilarious, Travolta is in a sequel to a movie slagging off sequels to movies, ha ha!  Unfortunately the joke is on them as it would only be ironic if Be Cool was good but it’s not its a load of trip which makes Chili Palmer right not John Travolta.  The movie is laced with these inside jokes which are only funny in the fact that they are true instead of being ironic.  The plot is basically the same as the first too and all they’ve done is change the theme from movies to music, chuck in a load of cameos and then some of these ’self-ironies’.  It’s lazy film making at its absolute worst.

1. Batman and Robin

And so we finally get to number one on list of absolute turkeys and there could only ever be one number 1. Batman & Robin, the creme de la creme of shit sequels.

Up until Batman Begins sorted out the franchise, Batman movies were just getting worse and worse.  The first one was great, Tim Burton used his gothic styles to get the dark tones that the Bat needs.  He made the first sequel too which was ok.  It was when they got to number 3, Batman Forever that the franchise started to wobble.  The movie seemed to go quite camp, Robin appeared and Jim Carrey pulled some silly faces.  So a disappointing affair but nothing could have prepared the film going world for the next movie.

Batman & Robin (aka Batman 4) took a scatter gun approach to the plot by chucking almost every other Batman character into the mix, then they splashed a load of colour all over it and gave Batman nipples.  All of which was unnecessary and turned what had started off as a promising franchise into the laughing stock of the industry.

Luckily for the Dark Knight Christopher Nolan was watching and waiting for his moment.

So there you have it.  I’m sure we’ll get a load of emails asking where was Indie 4 or the new Star Wars films but we truly feel these stinkers were the worse of the worst.

 

 

 

 

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