Secretly chosen by Zeus, Theseus must save his people from Hyperion and his hordes. Rallying a band of fellow outsiders—including visionary priestess Phaedra (Freida Pinto) and cunning slave Stavros (Stephen Dorff)—one hero will lead the uprising, or watch his homeland fall into ruin and his Gods vanish into legend.
The 3-D epic adventure Immortals is directed by revolutionary visualist Tarsem Singh (The Cell, The Fall) and produced by Gianni Nunnari and Mark Canton, the producers of 300, as well as Ryan Kavanaugh (Dear John, The Dark Fields).

Share your artistic talents and develop your own viral video for a chance to win one of three fabulous prizes!

The European Parliament invites all EU citizens to produce a brief and entertaining viral video on the subject “Diversity in Europe”. What are your personal views? From languages to quirks and fashion to food… the interpretations are endless!

1st Prize: Trip for two persons to three European cities of their choice
2nd Prize: iPad
3rd Prize: Leica camera.

The deadline for submissions is 31 July 2011.

So start filming and spread the word! A public vote will decide the prize winners!

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The Film:

Derek Zoolander is VH1’s three time male model of the year, but when Hansel wins the award instead, Zoolander’s world becomes upside down. His friends disappear, his father is disappointed in him, and he feels that he’s not good as a model anymore. But when evil fashion guru Mugato hires Zoolander, he thinks his life has turned back round again, that is until he finds out that Mugato has actually brainwashed him to kill the Prime Minister of Malaysia. Can Zoolander and his new friends find out how to prevent the incident before it’s too late?

THE REVIEWS

Greetings to my proud and strong people. I reach out to you my film comrades!

This week end I visited Stanly in the country at farm. I attempted to
groom himself before the TIFF arrives. During our visit I show him
Zoolander, film with classy male models that look of class. I will you
be telling you my feelings on this film, as a professional critic.
Zoolander is a bit queer to begin. Male models without crazy females -
like chernobyl without safety inspections.

I always choose to review three aspects of film story for you: story,
intensification, teknikal aspects.

The story is giving me a semi authentic feel. In the sense that Ben
Stiller must be really funny, odd little man in the real life time. He
could not be a model though. And this angers me. They should have
picked more believable model types like Steven Segal - kung fu expert!
Very cool guy. Stiller, goofy like three legged dog.

Per intensification - this film gets half marks. The entire length is
filled with men. More women would have made me smile more. But perhaps
the director had a different vision. But I stand by my more women
idea. Cannot dispute this. Milla Jovovich and the male model massacre
gas station explosion are most intense. Milla - WOWA!

Teknikal direction was strong like steel beams made from a Russian god
penis. Nice angles, tight shots and brilliant colors kept me engaged.
And Milla too. OH WOWA!

Overall film cannot get “Russian Eagle” ranking of glory. Not enough
women on top of Milla. This really boiled my feelings and its was
unpleasant. This has been assigned “Southern Shitter” of disapproval.

See you at TIFF.

Jorgie out.

Stan’s review of Zoolander

Jorgie told me this film was all about hot models. Not male models. I
have to remind myself not to trust a dude who’s borscht making
babushka runs a sex traffic operation. Contradictions breed
contradictions. Jorgie may appear like a saint but he is just another
jerk on the inside.

But I digress. Time for the review….

Zoolander placed too much emphasis on male hair and weird face
twitches. Where were the hot chick strippers? Where was the giant vat
of honey with busty babe strippers beating up little men dwarfs? I
knew I should have just stayed at home and spent some quality time
with XXX sites and an open jar of Stan’s sweet bbq sauce.

And what the f…k was that scene with all the dudes lathering up
their ripped glistening muscular torsos with gasoline? They were
pretty ripped though…those model dudes…Hmmm…It kind of made me
feel awkward.

The main character Derek Zoolander played by Ben Stiller is short and
needs to be punched. I really don’t like short people. They freak me
out. I liked Will Farrell as the bad dude but I didn’t like his
miniature poodle dog. Poodles are just wrong. And mini poodles are
plain evil. So I guess it did kind of work for Will’s evil character.
I’ve been having nightmares about angry mini poodles humping my legs
and biting my knee caps. Creepy. Course I did wake up with an
erection… Damn I’m more confused than ever.

I liked Milla Jovavich. I had an erection the entire time she was on
screen. And I felt good about that. Real good! Could have seen more of
Milla. Milla seems like a cool babe. I think she would be into opening
a barbeque restaurant and in the spare time making butter with me. She
just seems like that type of sweet chick.

All in all Zoolander wasn’t completely terrible. There were some funny
bits. But there wasn’t enough Milla and too many short male models
with makeup and puffy hair.

So I say burn the film and flush it down the southern shitter.

fu-

Stan

The Toronto International Film Festival (TIFF), takes place early in September and is host to the world premiere of Fubar 2.  A sequel to the 2002 Canadian Movie which these two reprobates are desperate to see.

Stan & Jorgie request FUBAR from vidwerk on Vimeo.

Somehow Stan and Jorgie have even managed to work a computer and write something down for them:

Jorgie’s words to FUBAR2:

You men are kings on mayhem! Canadian icons that have been borne to live off the spoils of culture. We’d love to make an interview with you, together, in Toronto! We would make spots in our schedules to come to your premier, on the merit of our film site hosts, filmchair.com. GIV’R!

Much love to brethren Terry & Deaner!

~ Jorgie, Film Professional

We need ya Deaner and Terry. We need ya on the Stan and Jorgie show. Why?

Let me tell yall a story about Jooper and Helga.

Jooper was a perpetually constipated shoe salesman in Trout Creek Ontario. Helga was a hopeless romantic who recited poetry all day while making some damn fine food native to her South Carolina roots. She was madly in-love with Jooper and was convinced a constant diet of sounthern bbq was the cure to being clogged.

If you’re wondering what the hell they’re on about check out the trailer for Fubar 2:

Will the take them up on their request? We’ll keep you posted.